Losing a pregnancy through miscarriage is a deeply personal and painful experience. There are just no words to say what it is like to have your excitement and hope for the little one who is growing inside you or your partner to be taken away. It’s important to acknowledge that grieving this loss is completely normal, no matter how early in the pregnancy it occurs. In Canada, 15% to 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. This means that many people are going through similar experiences, and it’s crucial to understand that your feelings are valid and shared by others.

Grieving a miscarriage is a natural response to a significant loss. It’s common to experience a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and even numbness. These feelings can come and go, and there’s no “right” way to grieve. Some people may feel intense emotions right away, while others may take time to process their feelings. It’s important to give yourself the space and time you need to heal.

Here are some tips and strategies for helping yourself through a miscarriage:

  1. Allow Yourself to Grieve: Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and express them in whatever way feels right for you. Whether it’s crying, talking to a friend, or writing in a journal, find what helps you process your grief.
  2. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a support group for people who have experienced miscarriage. Sharing your feelings with others who understand can be incredibly comforting.
  3. Take Care of Yourself: Make sure to take care of your physical and emotional well-being and to get out of the house. It can improve your mood and reduce feelings of isolation. Even when you don’t feel like it, making an effort to participate in activities you once enjoyed can be beneficial. This might include going for a walk, meeting a friend for coffee, or engaging in a hobby.
  4. Create Meaningful Rituals: Consider creating a ritual to honor your loss, such as lighting a candle or planting a tree.
  5. Consider Professional Help: If you find that your grief is overwhelming or persistent, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief and loss.
  6. Acknowledge and validate your thoughts and feelings for what they are: For example, if you find yourself thinking, “I should have done something differently,” you can practice saying to yourself, “I’m having the thought that I should have done something differently.” This helps you recognize that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts. You might also try recognizing that you are not alone in this and saying to yourself.
  7. Challenge and change unhelpful thoughts: For example, if you think “I did something wrong,” you might reframe it to “Miscarriage is a common experience and not my fault.”. If you think, “I’ll never be able to have a healthy pregnancy,” you can reframe it to, “Many people who experience a miscarriage go on to have healthy pregnancies.” This helps you develop a more balanced and realistic perspective.
  8. Hold yourself kindly and practice self-compassion: You might say to yourself, “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.” Self-compassion can be especially important and helped when you’re grieving.
  9. Practice Dropping Anchor: This can be an especially helpful technique when you are feeling very painful emotions or when you are stuck in a cycle of rumination. Visit the following link to access audio recordings of the Dropping Anchor exercise: https://www.actmindfully.com.au/free-stuff/free-audio/

Remember, everyone’s journey through grief is unique, and it’s okay to take the time you need to heal. If you ever feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. You’re not alone in this.

Melina Ladouceur

Looking for a therapist?

Melina Ladouceur is a registered social worker and practicing psychotherapist who offers individual counselling and is currently accepting new clients.